ORLY'S LISTENING TABLE

Sanibonani.

Welcome to yanda ebuhleni; grow in goodness. 

I’d love to introduce Orly Israel, the man behind the concept called the “Listening Table.” All the way from Los Angeles, California, Orly has managed to reach me here in South Africa. 

The world has become a place where many people are good at talking but lack so much when it comes to listening. What Orly has introduced to his own community and influenced other people to do the same in their communities is what we call here, ubuntu. I am because you are, period, (Literally).

Orly started the project after three things happened in his life. 

He volunteered in a prison for a communication workshop where he came to a realisation that communication skills are not common knowledge that everybody has. If you were never taught communication skills growing up, it is difficult to have them as an adult and that may result in you landing in unbelievably bad places.

He decided he wanted to author a book about communication skills, whereby the initial plan was to do so when he was 65 years old. A meeting with a boss’s friend changed that perspective. The friend stated that if he waited until he was ready, then he will never do it and that drove Orly to an action-based mindset.

He took a class in nonviolent communication and the teacher said that learning how to communicate is a lot like learning how to swim, you can read as many books on swimming as you’d like, but if you don’t get in the water you’re not going to learn how to swim.

“I heard that on a Wednesday, and I set my first table up on the following Friday. I wanted to learn how to swim, and if I could learn how to swim then I can author a book on it.”

Orly’s relationships with almost everyone in his life changed. He has become more of a person he wanted to be and prouder of who he is showing up authentically as, instead of trying to be someone else to fit in. 

When it comes to showing up to do tables once a week, Orly had a commitment issue to address, by committing to doing it once a week that set him up for discipline.

“Now I have done over 100 weeks of tables in a row without missing a week because of that discipline. Sometimes there are challenges, making the time to do the table is something that is just part of my schedule now. I must be creative if it’s severe weather or if I have other plans. Just last week I did the table along the beach when I was driving from a sports game I play in to a Super Bowl party where I was going to watch the game. It was a spot that I had never done before and there was good to that and newness. Trying to do a listening table in Israel when I was travelling and in Florida when I was on a family vacation have both been challenging and I’ve made it work. Also, any social anxiety that I’ve had about setting up a table in public has disintegrated. At first I was a bit nervous but now I can handle it.”

A little backstory about Orly, growing up, he had a challenging time feeling like he was part of a group. Yes he had friends who were in certain groups, but he never felt like he belonged to any. He wasn’t athletic enough to be with the athlete kids, he wasn’t a musician enough to be with the musician kids, in turn, he wasn’t enough to be whatever he wanted to be. It was lonely, despite the many people around.

“I think I started this because I wanted to lean about what it means to see somebody and to hear somebody and how to make somebody else feel not alone so that I could lean those skills and teach them to people who can make the world a less lonely place. I think a less lonely world has more people to talk to. More people who know how to ask good questions and see when someone is struggling in silence and able to create a warm space for them. It doesn’t mean everyone has 100 friends, but it means that most people have three or four good ones.” 

What’s a question you wished someone could ask you? Why that question and what would your answer be?

I wish someone would ask me to collaborate on a film. I would love a film producer to ask me to write something. All my life I’d wanted to be a professional writer and I would love someone’s permission to do that for a career. I am starting to understand that you don’t need permission if you do it yourself and that is my journey of this year.

The Orly in the beginning of it all would have been surprised that it’s still going on. He had done listening tables over 60 times without posting anything on social media and he was surprised at how fast it grew and how many people were interested in it.

“That was pretty wild for me.”

I got a little personal with Orly, curious about the relationship with his younger and older self. What he envisions could be and what was. He mentioned that he would give his younger self the discipline to follow his passion even if it didn’t make sense or felt like it had a solid shape. When he was younger, he had done a lot of creative things and was embarrassed to share them or finish what he started. Having to give his younger self the space to making things that weren’t perfect would have been terrific.

Grandpa Orly would have said to the now Orly that he needs to stop taking things too seriously and spreading himself too thin. That he should focus on one thing and do it very well. Grandpa Orly wouldn’t encourage Orly to work all the time and not spend time with his friends. 

“When people look at me, I want them to see somebody fun, somebody who could have fun and do meaningful work at the same time. Somebody kind.”

I mentioned Orly being the man behind the concept of the “Listening Table." 

Who is behind the man Orly is today? 

“If it wasn’t for my parents I wouldn’t be here. They have supported me so much and believed in me and spoored me through just doing weird and wacky and unpredictable things and they have always believed in me and talked to me about how I could be the best version of myself, and I owe them so much and I am so grateful for them. Also, so many other family members who show their love and support.”

Dear reader, you are valued, and you deserve value in reading this blog. As much as this has spotlighted Orly, I asked a question so he can spotlight you too. This is catered and written just for you.

As you have read through this blog, Orly has stated that you don’t have to feel like setting up a table in public to be a better listener. Having dinner at the dinner table or lunch at a lunch table where you have people around you, you have the power to create a listening table. Wherever you are. Getting better at listening takes practice, so do communication skills. The best thing you can do is say you are working on it and that makes it easier to try things, make mistakes, and get feedback.

If there’s anything Orly would love for you to do, is part with this wisdom.

“Communication skills must be practiced. These skills exist to make life more fun, and human connection easier. Don’t be afraid of a conversation that is about something that it’s hard to talk about. The more times you talk about hard to talk about things, the better you get at it. Be open to having your mind changed all the time.”

This may be the end of this blog post; however, it isn’t the end of Orly’s story. He has given us a glimpse of how he desires to move forward into the future of what his story may look like.

“I’d like to see listening to tables in schools. I’d like to be able to speak to students and adults and I’d like to see listening tables start happening more all over the world. I’m working on a couple pieces of video and paperwork and documents that can help people understand the purpose of the listening table and I hope to see these all come to fruition soon.”

For more information about Orly and the Listening Table, visit the listeningtable.com and follow him on Instagram @orlyslisteningtable.

Thank you for reading all the way to the end. Now go and swim my friend, go create, go, and do what you promised yourself you would do. 

May God continue to bless you abundantly with love, light, joy, peace, strength, and everything else that you need.

In Jesus name, amen!